Self-abandonment shows up in ways that feel painfully normal. Are any of these true for you?
- Ignoring your body's signals until you're burned out or sick
- Saying yes when everything in you screams no
- Judging yourself harshly in ways you'd never speak to a friend
- Staying in relationships where you feel unseen and unheard
- Settling for a life that feels smaller than what you know you're capable of
Do you still feel stuck in these patterns, even after all the therapy, books, and workshops?
You may be trying to think your way into healing instead of healing at the level where the wound was first formed – in your nervous system. Healing self-abandonment requires more than mindset work.
I’ve been where you are, spending years unsure of myself, afraid to be seen, and carrying the shame of the past. As both a trauma survivor and Certified Trauma-Informed Actualization Coach, I finally understood that lasting change comes from loving ourselves.
When we’ve been abandoned, whether physically, emotionally, or psychologically, we often learn to abandon ourselves. We recreate the very wound we’re trying to heal. Nothing shifts until that pattern is met where it was formed, in the body. Healing requires learning how to love yourself in ways that help your body feel safe again.
Here are 9 Essential Self-Love Practices for Healing Self-Abandonment
Each practice is a path as well as a practice. You spiral through them, going deeper each time and building your capacity to love yourself more fully.
1. Self-Compassion: Treating Yourself Like Someone You Love
Self-compassion means holding both truths at once: "This is hard," and "I have what I need to move through this." To be truly compassionate towards oneself, you have to believe these words to be true not only in your mind but also as a felt sense in your body.
2. Self-Care: Responding to What You Actually Need Right Now
Authentic self-care is not a prescription or a reward. It's asking, "What do I need right now?" and having the courage to honor that answer, even when it inconveniences others or when your mind tells you that you “should” be doing something else.
3. Self-Esteem: Knowing Your Worth Beyond Achievements or Approval
You matter, not because of your productivity or accomplishments, but simply because you exist. When your sense of worth is rooted within you rather than in what others think, you stop needing approval to feel whole.
4. Self-Belonging: Finding Your Place Within Yourself First
Self-belonging means coming home to yourself before seeking belonging with others. You have a place within yourself that no one can take away, and healing begins when you stop outsourcing that to others.
5. Self-Trust: Building Confidence by Keeping Promises to Yourself
Self-trust grows every time you keep a promise to yourself. Each small act of follow-through tells your nervous system: I am safe with myself.
6. Self-Confidence: Showing Up Authentically Without Perfectionism
True self-confidence is about showing up authentically even when you're afraid, releasing the perfectionism and people-pleasing that once kept you safe but now keeps you playing small.
7. Self-Advocacy: Setting Boundaries as an Act of Self-Love
Self-advocacy is where self-love becomes visible action. It requires the most healing declaration you can make: 'My needs matter, and I will not abandon myself to keep the peace.'
8. Self-Worth: Your Value Is Inherent, Not Earned
Your worth is not something you earn through performance or sacrifice. Even if love felt conditional growing up, you are valuable simply because you are here.
9. Self-Empowerment: Shifting from Victimhood to Agency in Your Life
Self-empowerment is the recognition that you have agency, the power to direct your life even when circumstances are hard. It's the shift from "Why is this happening to me?" to "What do I want to do about this?"
When you embody these nine practices, you experience joy, energy, and aliveness, creating possibilities you couldn't imagine and breaking free from cycles for future generations. You live the life you were born to live.
You Don't Have to Walk This Path Alone
I know how hard it can be to believe change is possible when you feel trapped in patterns. As you work with these nine practices, old wounds will surface, and going too deep alone can either retraumatize or cause shutdown, recreating the very abandonment we're trying to heal. You deserve support that honors where you are and guides you forward.
If you're ready to break free from these patterns, I invite you to take the Live Your Potential Self-Assessment. In this complimentary one-on-one session, I'll be your guide as we explore what's keeping you stuck and the path to reclaiming yourself. You'll leave with clarity on what's truly holding you back, recognition of your existing strengths and resources, and the exact steps toward the life you desire.
Book your complimentary assessment:
Schedule your Live Your Potential Assessment
Your true Self is always whole and worthy, and you don't need to become someone different but to come home to who you've always been.
