Have you ever felt confident when someone praised you, only to feel unsettled when that approval was no longer there?
Most articles about personal power will tell you to be more confident, take up more space, or adopt a power pose. But what if the real reason you keep seeking validation outside of yourself has little to do with confidence at all?
What if it goes much deeper than that?
Those of us who did not have our needs met to be seen, heard, valued, and validated as children often carry that unmet need into adulthood. That early experience quietly shapes how we see ourselves — and until we recognize it, the cycle of seeking external approval continues. Within us lives an inner child still looking for the reassurance that was never fully given.
This is not a character flaw. It is a very human response to a very early wound.
Here, we explore why this pattern forms, what real personal power actually is, and how to begin returning to the power that has always been within you.
Why We Give Our Power Away
It starts in childhood. When our needs for connection, validation, and safety go unmet, we adapt. We learn to scan the room, read people, and look to others to tell us who we are and whether we are okay. These were brilliant survival strategies; your system doing exactly what it needed to do to keep you safe.
But those same strategies follow us into adulthood, long after the original threat has passed.
Do any of these feel familiar?
- You need approval before making decisions
- You feel deflated when someone criticizes or ignores you
- You shrink yourself to keep others comfortable
- You wait for permission to take up space or be seen
- You feel powerful only when you are achieving or being praised
If so, you are not alone. And you are not broken. You are simply running an old pattern that was never meant to be permanent.
The Difference Between Performing Power and Owning It
In the world, power is often tied to conditions and control. Perform and be accepted, achieve and be seen, or fall short and disappear. This kind of power is transient and dependent on external circumstances, which means it can be taken away at any moment.
Real personal power is different.
What makes you powerful is not what you do or what you have. It is who you are. This power is innate and has always been yours. It does not require permission. It does not depend on recognition. It does not rise and fall with other people's opinions.
This is what I call the Sovereign Self — your true Self that is whole and grounded, untouched by past wounds. When your power is rooted here, in your own sense of self rather than in others' responses to you, everything shifts. You stop performing your life and begin living it.
This is the shift from performance-based power to power rooted in your true Self.
How to Begin Reclaiming Your Power
You do not need permission to claim your power. The most important person you declare it to is yourself.
1. Notice when your sense of worth shifts. Begin to observe what happens within you when approval is present and when it is not. Do you feel more capable, more worthy, more yourself when someone praises you? Do you contract when criticism or silence arrives? This awareness, without judgment, is the first step. You cannot change what you cannot see.
2. Clarify what truly matters to you. External validation has so much power over us partly because we have not yet fully defined our own values and standards. When you begin to live in alignment with what genuinely matters to you, rather than what you think you should want or what others expect, other people's approval naturally loosens its grip. Your own inner compass becomes the reference point.
3. Feel your power, not just think about it. Personal power is not a concept to understand; it is something to inhabit. This means moving it out of your head and into your body. Notice what it feels like when you speak your truth, set a boundary, or make a decision that is fully yours. That felt sense of being grounded in yourself is what real power actually is. The more you practice recognizing it, the more available it becomes.
Healing is not about changing who you are. It is about seeing yourself clearly beneath the patterns that formed to help you survive, beneath the need for approval and finding that what was always there and already whole
If this speaks to you and you feel ready to explore what it would look like to live from that place, I invite you to book a complimentary Live Your Potential Assessment — a one-on-one conversation where we explore what may be keeping you from fully stepping into your own power and potential.
You can schedule your session here:
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